I have been participating in fibromyalgia flotation project at body mind float center. Its been very interesting. I had always wanted to try it and this was the perfect opportunity. Since I would be part of the study, I got to float for free, for 4 one hour sessions on Wednesday afternoons. I had always wondered, what would be left if you stripped all your perceptions of reality away? To be honest, I had hoped for this psychedelic experience. But thats not what happened.
My first float, I was pretty anxious and excited to get in there and check it out. Before getting in I showered, and then again when I was done, as requested. The water in the tank was like the consisticy of warm Jello, before its chilled and sets up. It was like weightlessness and super floaty. I really enjoyed the sensation. I felt comfortable in the smallish enclosed tank (about the size of a queen bed), the door was easy to access and it was simple to push it open. I could see how some may not like it though, being so dark & enclosed. But you could even leave the door opened if you want, its not the same, but its your choice. Upon entering and laying on my back in the dark, it was easy to relax. I let my thoughts come and go on their own, not forcing anything, just surrendering to the experience. It brought me back to my first moments of life in my mother's womb. My mind went blank, my vision was blacked out, and it was complete silence- except my own breath.
It was nothing.
[In the begining there was nothing...]
It was nice to explore my own mind a bit. Unfortunetly, when all distractions were repressed, all I was left with was my pain. I became profoundly aware it was mine alone, no one else could percieve it. Only me. I did not feel lonely, just all alone in the nothing-ness.
The second float I did not feel well, and it set a different tone, a heaviness. My pain that I was left alone with, was more intense this time. The tank that had once been a womb, had become my coffin. I do not fear death though. I find it comforting to know my pain and suffering is temporary. All life, all things, are just temporary.
Finite.
[in the end there is nothing...]
The tank brought many of my thoughts and feelings on mortality to the forefront of my mind. Birth and death. The cycle of life. It made the symbol tattooed on my back tingle with a new understanding. That second float brought me to tears. The reality that I do not have to live like this forever was such a relief. It made me more determined to live my life to the fullest and not waste a single second. It was also a reminder that life is a choice, and if I don't want to live anymore, I have the power to change that. There is no authority forcing me to stay here, its my own will. Except it doesn't work the other way, just because I choose to live does not negate my mortality. We will all die, just as we were all born. This might be too morbid or too heavy for some, but it had a very en"light"ening effect for me. It was a little easier for me to loosen my grip on shit that doesn't really matter. That second float I brought my crystals, the chakra set, quartz skull at top, big obsidian, 2 turquoise, and a smokey quartz that stayed in my bag. This had an influence on the tone of this float too. This experience gave me a little insight to what/who I really am when all outside influences are stripped away.
A chance to just be, to just exist, and nothing else.
*Just another Earth bound being.*
The third float was not nearly as profound or intense. In fact, after my mind quieted down fairly quickly, it was just nothing. I was kinda tired and relaxing came easy and faster then the other floats. My pain was very specific that day to sharp stabbing pains in my low back & hip. It was easy enough to ignore since it was not widespread, and not too much of a distraction. The third float I created a grid on top of the tank of 4 selenite wands & 4 rose quartz chunks (plus 1 turquoise, 1 smokey quartz, sparkle quartz point & skull stayed in my bag) and it created a self-love vibration that I could see/feel in the tank. That third float I felt connected to (bright/hot) pink & white light before it went to darkness. The darkness is hard to explain, even though you are enclosed, it feels like you're floating in some sort of infinite outer space. The kind of immortal nothing-ness that transends all time and space.
(where we all come from and we all return. the begining & the end. alpha & omega.)
I started to lose sense of where my body began and the water stopped. I wouldn't say I felt detached from my body though, instead I became one with the water. It brought an awareness to the one-ness we are all a part of (one love). I was not sleeping though, I was conscious, but a different level of consciousness (is this "theta?"). Thoughts stopped flowing at this point, and my mind accepted this "nothing-ness." I can't even explain it as pleasurable or uncomfortable, because then it would be - something. Stange how you can transend, and yet feel so conscious and alive at the same time. Its really silent too, only my own breath and my own heart beat can be barely heard. There is no real smell or taste I could observe either. I guess I like it or I wouldn't keep going. ;-)
I have not noticed much change in my Fibromyalgia symptoms. No real noticable change in pain levels or fatigue. But then again there have been improvements in my strength and endurance these past few weeks. I do feel a bit calmer and at peace after floating. My ego seems to quiet down and I can take things a little less personal. I feel that same (hyper)awareness, but less paranoid and anxious. So, there are some noticable effects, just not what I had hoped for. The day before the third float, I felt like pain and fatigue were really breaking me down emotionally and mentally, after floating I felt more equipped to cope with pain and lack of restorative sleep. I might even feel a bit more prepared to cope with life's stresses in genral.
I have one more float scheduled in 2 weeks. That will complete my free sessions and the minimum requirements for the study. I have not decided if I will continue, it will depend on multiple factors. Its been a very interesting experience, if nothing else. I think everyone should try it at least once. I feel really blessed I got to check it out.
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