Its March. A month that to me is all about rebirth. I am ready to be reborn again, just like I have done many times before. I am coming out of a very challenging Winter. I was sick. I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't really get out of bed either. It hadn't been like that for many years. Honestly, it really sucked. I found myself practically begging my doctor for pain killers because the pain was unrelenting and unbearable. (She did not give them to me) It was not living. I was a zombie. If you saw me during this time (consider yourself lucky, I did not get out much), I probably seemed ok to you. Others can't see my pain. Its mine alone. I certainly would not wish it on someone else. Thank God (!!!), I am starting to notice some relief. I feel like I am coming back to life, like the flowers in my front yard. Its just the begining too. I have a loooong way to go though. Its ok though. Its ok, to not be ok. I am going to be gentle with myself. I am allowing myself to go through this. Its really hard and thats ok, because I can handle it. I have been basically running on empty, but life does not stop for me. We have to move in a couple months and I need to find a place for us to go. I am sure I will manage, but I wish I could focus all my energy on healing. I am distracted by grief too. Its the third anniversary this week, of the most devastating event of my life, the loss of our first and only child. Its such a bittersweet time. A reminder of how precious and miraculous life really is. It encourages me to never give up. We are only given this one life. I want to live mine to the best of my ability, I want to enjoy my life and be happy. I want to love and be loved. I want to be healthy. I know I have it in me. I believe in miracles, because I know I am one.
This week I am being gentle with myself. I am giving myself permission to be authentic and honest. What are you giving yourself permission to do?
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