Things are in motion and Spring has sprung. Lots of stuff is happening. We are starting to pack up, we'll be moving back to the city next month. I am excited. I am just happy to get back in the mix, and go have some fun. In fact, I have been felling quite happy and relaxed these days. While the suburbs were peaceful and a nice break, it was super boring. I have been making some progress physically, I am hopeful I will come back stronger then ever- but we'll see, lol. Just being closer to stuff will make it easier to participate in life. Hopefully, my peeps will come through a little more? It will be a fun summer. Bonus is we'll save some cash and can afford to do some fun stuff. We will even be able to leave and know our kitty and our stuff will be just fine. Its gonna be great!
Its been nice to get things going again, especially after a particularly stagnant Winter. I am focusing on some new goals. I really want to get back into doing art again. I have lots of art supplies and will be able to dedicate a studio area for myself in our new place. I just need the energy to do it. Its coming though, a lot is changing and my peaceful Winter gave me a chance to really restore myself. I have so many ideas! From paintings, sculpture, to jewlery, and I really want to learn to sew, I want to learn and do new things. I want to make sacred art and include all the wisdom that has come to me. Selling the things I make would incredible! I could fullfill my life long dream of being an artist... I am living my dream... I really am, my life is so full of love and inspiration.
Too bad the pain and exhaustion co-exist. So close to being perfect!! I am working on it and I can feel things changing. Heck, I am not even concerned with a cure (because there isn't one yet), I would just settle for "good enough." Just the basics, ya know? In reality, unless you live with a chronic disabling condition or possibly with someone that does, you probably don't know. Just as its hard for me to really get how people work all day, do all sorts of other stuff, and survive on only 8hrs in bed. A successful day for me is 8 hrs OUT of bed. And thats a good day!! A day I couldn't manage just a few short months ago... There has definitely been some noticable improvements lately, like less time in bed. I am feeling a little stronger everyday. Pushing myself a little bit more, whenever I can, but still being gentle and nurturing myself, healing myself. Having fibromyalgia is so much harder then it looks! But if I make it look easy, I must be doing something right :-)
Spring is in full swing and I am offically done hibernating! So watch out world! I got love in my heart, a smile on my face- and I am ready to PARTY!!
I may or may not, spend most of the time enjoying the party while sitting someplace comfy. Eh, good enough, I just want to be there. Or here or where ever we happen to be. I just want to be present and truly experience life. Thank you to all my lovely friends (and fam!) that include me in things and help me find a seat. ;-)
I'll be seeing more of you soon!
Its gonna be awesome!
Yay!!
If you want to hang out, come find me. :-)
Monday, April 22, 2013
April 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
March 2013
Its March. A month that to me is all about rebirth. I am ready to be reborn again, just like I have done many times before. I am coming out of a very challenging Winter. I was sick. I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't really get out of bed either. It hadn't been like that for many years. Honestly, it really sucked. I found myself practically begging my doctor for pain killers because the pain was unrelenting and unbearable. (She did not give them to me) It was not living. I was a zombie. If you saw me during this time (consider yourself lucky, I did not get out much), I probably seemed ok to you. Others can't see my pain. Its mine alone. I certainly would not wish it on someone else. Thank God (!!!), I am starting to notice some relief. I feel like I am coming back to life, like the flowers in my front yard. Its just the begining too. I have a loooong way to go though. Its ok though. Its ok, to not be ok. I am going to be gentle with myself. I am allowing myself to go through this. Its really hard and thats ok, because I can handle it. I have been basically running on empty, but life does not stop for me. We have to move in a couple months and I need to find a place for us to go. I am sure I will manage, but I wish I could focus all my energy on healing. I am distracted by grief too. Its the third anniversary this week, of the most devastating event of my life, the loss of our first and only child. Its such a bittersweet time. A reminder of how precious and miraculous life really is. It encourages me to never give up. We are only given this one life. I want to live mine to the best of my ability, I want to enjoy my life and be happy. I want to love and be loved. I want to be healthy. I know I have it in me. I believe in miracles, because I know I am one.
This week I am being gentle with myself. I am giving myself permission to be authentic and honest. What are you giving yourself permission to do?
Sunday, December 16, 2012
In response....
Tragedy struck. It will be ingrained in history. Let us not respond with fear or revenge and hatred or anger. Lets respond with Love, compassion, empathy -unity. This is not about gun control - not even violent video games. Its about love, the ability to give and sometimes more importantly- recieve love. Why are we blaming the guns and not the mental health system that failed this kid or psychotropic drugs this guy was on? Pharmacuticals are killing people at alarming rates. The "zombies" are real. They are drugged. These brain altering chemicals are dangerous. I mean, if we are gonna point fingers...
During the aftermath I avoided tv as much as possible. My knowledge of the incident is limited to a few online articles. I have been praying and meditating. My heart just breaks for these parents. Sometimes to open your heart, I mean really open your heart, it must break open. Maybe not for everybody... There is a shift happening in human consiousness its happening in our hearts. Tell someone you love them, hold your family close. Most important turn that love back in towards yourself. Feel the shift inside you. Its not about the gifts, its about the presence this Christmas. Take a step back from the trauma. Your thoughts and feelings are a part of the collective consiousness. Love and fear can not coexist. When your body releases adrenaline (the fear hormone, "fight or flight" hormone, this hormone saves lives, etc) it can not release oxytocin (love hormone). You can choose. Your choice matters.
Rebirth takes many forms. People are reborn through Christ, people change and heal and become new again. I have had many rebirths in this lifetime. You have to be willing to give your soul to the Light, and sometimes you must face the darkest parts of your shadow first.
The media wants to spread trauma, it makes them rich. They want you to be afraid, very afraid. Then you will beg to trade in your rights and privacy in the sake of safety.
Your awareness is more important then ever.
And what if we all respond with love?
It will certainly change the world.
You have the power to change the world. At the very least you have power over your own reality.
I can not expain why this sort of thing happens, I just don't know. But I find myself not just praying for the children, but also for the sick individual that did this. He was sick. He was not evil. In an act of unconditional love I have been praying for his soul too.
I feel that my fears, our collective fears feed into these traumas, even manifest them. I take responsiblity for my thoughts, my anxiety, my fear. I was afraid to be in school. I did not feel safe. Even in the years before Columbine, that occured my senior year of high school, I felt in danger at school. No one really picked on me, I was not a target of a bully, except the few times I stuck up for fellow classmates. But the point is I fed into that collective consiousness. The bomb threat drills, the lock downs, they sent a message to be prepared, violence was immenint. But what was being done to prevent violence? Why not spend the same amount of effort offering help to the "at risk?" What do we do for the mother's begging for help?
I don't have any answers. Only more questions.
Please pray with me. Let us all join together: Protestants & Pagens, Jews & Jedis, Mormons & Muslims, let us unite in Love & Light. Unite as one human race. To pray for peace you must sit and be at peace, it strarts within each of us. Pray for love by opening your heart and let God's love flow through you. Pray for understanding, and be open to hearing answers. Be an active participant in the shift towards love.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. Thank you for your prayers. Know that they are being heard. They will be answered.
One Love
*I have no spell check. This was written fairly quickly, but plan on editing it later for grammer and spelling.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
12 12 12
Its been 1 year, 1 month, 1 day since our union. Happy Anniversary to my twin flame.
Its so amazing to be alive right now. I have been spending much of my time sleeping, meditating, and healing. Riding this wave wherever it may take me without any expectation. I am releasing what no longer serves me. I am focused on healing my body, mind, and soul. As I heal myself, I heal the planet and all life around me.
I am healing.
I am awakening.
I am remembering my power.
Spirit is flowing through me.
I surrender to the flow.
One Love
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Fibromyalgia Awareness
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Make a wish....
